ALIEN ROAD PUNKS: A Post Non-Existential Surrealist Running Gang

Welcome to Alien Road Punks,

We are a band of devoted runners, who have found that we can unlock the secrets of the universe using pace, distance and a bunch of sweat. If you are absurdly passionate, committed, self driven and caring (WE HAVE A VERY STRICT NO ASSHOLE POLICY) we’d like you to join our club.

Being an Alien Road Punk means pushing yourself to new limits, and supporting those around you in reaching their goals.

Our first unofficial mascot is “stoned bugs,” who I lifted from the t-shirt of a very nice lady I met at an underfunded Mayan excavation near Tulum in 2016


To purchase a shirt you must submit an essay [50-1000 words] on what running means to you. If running is an activity that is not accessible to you I will accept an equivalent. My friend Neil once described working on a painting as: “I was so into it I forgot to take a shit”. This is the kind of commitment I’m talking about. If the shirt is a gift you still must submit the essay on what running (or equivalent) means to the recipient in your eyes.


  1. If the essay is not submitted within 3 weeks the order will be cancelled and you will be refunded. Please submit essay to

  2. You must select the slogan that speaks the most to you. Your options are: WHAT IS TIME, THIS IS THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE, DOES CONSCIOUSNESS EXIST

  3. Each shirt is printed to order specifically for you. Please allow 1-2 weeks for shipment.

  4. Only TEN shirts will be printed. (if they sell out you can try again in the summer, next mascot will be unveiled in July)

The shirt is a 100% Cotton Jersey, pre shrunk and hand printed with care by me. Each shirt is custom printed for YOU. You may find a very tiny tear or smudge in the shirt, this is because I subject each shirt to some heavy duty treatment before washing them. This is not a defect, this ensures that the shirt is just a tough as you :)

The shirts are unisex, but as they are preshrunk they fit true to size.

Model is 5’8” and is wearing a small

Please direct reasonable questions to

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